CAR-TASTROPHE!

Did you know that your licence expires? Seriously it does….

I recently found this out after an awkward encounter with the cops on Dynon road, Footscray.

And unfortunately they did not resemble the following fun kind of authority...

Or the extremely caring kind....

Or the ferocious 'roller-blading kind'....

It was about 9:30 on a Friday night (already a sad story considering how early it was) and I was coming home after a dinner and a cheeky wine with an old friend. After having my car at the mechanics for the last two months I felt exhilarated being back behind the wheel listening to the sound of cardboard flapping in the wind of my broken window. It wasn’t until I saw the tell-tale signs of the red and blue lights flashing ahead that I decided to panic…

* One glass I’ll be fine (totes TAC add)

Sure enough the rumble of my broken muffler saw the officers waving me down in no time.

Officer – ‘ Just one long continuous breath please ’

I can hear my heart thumping as the officer is taking way too long looking over the results. Why do I feel like an immigrant trying to bring in bags of fruit on Boarder Security?? And even sadder, is this officer potentially attractive?

Officer – ‘ Have you had anything to drink tonight? '

Me – ‘ Just a glass of wine.'

* Oh god, am I going to cry?

Officer – ‘ Can I please see your driver’s licence? ‘

Me – ‘ This is awkward…I actually don’t know where my licence is? ‘

* SHIT!!!!!!!!

Officer – ‘ Right… ’

Me – ‘ I have my passport though. ‘

* This is so Boarder Security right now

Me – ‘ Am I going to lose my licence? ‘ 

* Seriously sounding like Cher from Clueless right now

Officer – ‘ No of course not! ‘

* Relief

Officer – ‘ Because you don’t have a licence to lose…You’re licence expired a month ago ‘

* FUCK!!!!

Enter two more officers (including a Sergeant) who asks me to pull over so that we can have ‘a chat’.

Officer 2 – ‘ So. Is there any reason you’re driving with an expired licence? ‘

Me – ‘I know this is going to sound crazy…(IT DOES)…but I didn’t know licence’s did expire.’

Officer 2 – ‘ Right. Did you not receive a renewal notice in the mail? ‘

Me – ‘ Well, I actually recently moved home with my parents….’

Meanwhile Officer 3 is shining a flash torch into my car while he appears to be searching for something. Rather embarrassing when he shines it across some empty weight watchers bars. (P.S they don’t work)

Officer 3 – ‘ She’s got a registration sticker from 2010. ‘

* Oops, I forgot about that.

Me – ‘ Yeah….about that. My car is actually registered I just forgot to put the sticker on. ..Twice.’

Officer 2 – ‘ Do you have a job? ‘

Me – ‘ Yes! ‘

Officer 3 – ‘ Do you deal drugs? ‘

* Low point

Me – ‘ Are you serious? I live at home with my parents. I know my car looks like a hobo’s and maybe a junkie’s but you can call my mum to confirm that I’m actually just a straight twenty-five year old loser.’

* Lower point….

Officer 2 – ‘ Now we won’t do that. But I do suggest you renew your licence and put your registration sticker on. You may receive a fine in the mail…’

Me – ‘ How much would this ‘said’ fine be??

Officer 2 – ‘ About $350 ‘

Me – ‘ SHUT UP!!! ‘

Officer 2 – ‘ I  won’t shut up actually. Now how do you plan on getting home tonight? ‘

Me – ‘ Um drive..’

Officer 2 – ‘ You can’t drive without a licence now can you?? ‘

* Shit! Didn’t think about that

Officer 2 – ‘I suggest you call your mum now and get her to pay your renewal over the Internet. ‘

Me – ‘ Ok great…will do! ‘

And here comes the saddest point in the story where I pretended to phone my mum (who I knew was actually away for the weekend) and got her to ‘pay my renewal over the internet’. I then preceded to drive home illegally against the advice of the kind officers.

Now kids what can we learn from Aunty Tor’s mistakes??

If you see the red and blue flashing lights ahead and are currently driving an unregistered car without a licence, pull over, put the hazard lights on and call a cab. And finally if you google ' funny cop pics ' the results are endless....

NB. Since the occurrence of the recent event, I have endeavoured to both renew my licence and can confirm that my car is also currently registered. What I can also confirm is that it took me another two weeks to complete both tasks….