Well folks I trust another pathetic week was had by all and particularly pathetic if you’re over 25…
My mum recently pointed out this depressing snippet she found in the Age –
The general gist of it basically reads - ' It's all downhill from the age of 25. Young people's happiness and satisfaction with life continues to grow throughout their teens...But by the mid-20s, the joy factor has taken a significant dip and continues heading south until the end of our working lives.'
In short - FUCK!!!!
And if you’ve been curious enough to actually read the article you’ll find that in less than five hundred words it certainly doesn’t give many signs of hope unless of course you’re about to turn 65 and have beaten the odds of an untimely death, chronic disease, divorce and/or alcohol dependency.
You should then look a little something like this -
The picture of ' Happiness '
I personally can’t wait for old age and thoroughly agree with the Australian’s contention. Hopefully after 65 I can unashamedly do the things I wish I could be doing now which include the following –
* Abusing people on public transport
* Live with my childhood friends at a nursing home in Osborne Street
* Daily sponge baths
* Cold party pies for breakfast, lunch & dinner
* Use a catheter for recreational purposes
* Get really fat
* Go on the Fair Star
* And pretty much look like this lady...
Well now that we know life is actually going downhill (thanks to the extremely accurate survey in the said article) and there's absolutely nothing we can do to stop it, it's probably ok to discuss another reason our slight enthusiasm decline...The Drunk Text....
We’re all guilty of it. Some of us more than others. We get drunk, we get cocky and decide to start ‘ texting ‘ or as I like to call it ‘ sexting ‘. It’s like when someone throws a dress-up party and all of the girls get excited because they can finally dress up like a two-dollar hooker and have serious ‘ intellectual ‘ party conversations at the same time. Well actually it’s probably nothing like that at all…but the point I’m trying to make is, no matter how witty your ‘ SEXT ‘ might be, there’s no hiding the sad slutty stench that goes with it.
Exhibit A - ' So what do you think about the Carbon Tax?? '
It started off as a bit of harmless fun – a bootie-call if you will.
' Hey what are you up to? ' sent to a number of eligible bachelors in the old contact list at approx. 12:30 am on a Friday/Saturday night.
But then it slowly turned into a much seedier and pathetic version of ' come over and (insert comment too explicit for my mother to read) ' sent at a much sadder hour of 9 pm on a Thursday/Tuesday/Sunday night.
Much to my horror I was starting to resemble this dude...not cool...
Even sadder though is no matter how many times my friends confiscate my phone, delete numbers and actually abuse the shit out of me for continually making the same mistakes time and time again, I will be a SERIAL SEXTER until the day I die (or I lose my phone again.)
Thankfully I'm not alone and found a number of other pathetic losers making the same critical errors in judgement -
Totes awkward....
Even more awkward....
Which is why I think we all need one of these...
Or we might find ourselves ending up with one of these....
So obviously 9 out of 10 times the sexts don’t exactly get me anywhere and if they were going to, I don’t usually get the replys until I wake up the next day and start eating the KFC twister I’ve conveniently passed out on the night before.
Of course I don’t need to feel too bad though, because according to the Age this is all part of my 25 and over downward spiral and simply a result of unrealised dreams and a growing number of responsibilities. Phew!
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