Sorry I'm late...I was busy stretching

Two weeks in to this thing and I’ve already failed at a weekly blog…I don’t feel bad though because this sort of failed ambition is a common symptom of a quarter life crisis. Another symptom is an attempt to ‘right a wrong’, so on that note I will deliver two posts this week instead of one. Impressed? You bloody better be!!!

Now after a de-brief with my ol’ mate Stace on the last issue, she told me she couldn’t read it because it was far too depressing, so I thought I’d attempt some positivity this week but that’s not really my style, so instead let’s talk about – Sleep Apnea…

A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with moderate to severe sleep apnea. Boring!!! This may come as a shock to many of you because traditionally people with Sleep Apnea look like the following –

In other words...fat middle aged men or really really old people. They’re not twenty-something with the world at their feet and a whole lot a cash to blow on crazy machinery and sleep studies.

I won’t bore you with too many scientific details about Sleep Apnea – but in a nutshell it’s when you hold your breath too many times during your sleep which can result in loss of oxygen to the brain and extreme fatigue. The fatties usually get it because their necks are too thick and it blocks their airways (so not PC…) But on the plus-side (pun not intended), I seem to have developed it because of my ‘over-bight’ or as my doctor put it ‘facial deformity’ (thanks doc, that’s hot!!)

Unfortunately there are not a lot of options for the fatties and facially deformed. They can either have their jaw broken in eight places, re-set and live on a liquid diet for two months (basically the equivalent to an extreme makeover). Thus ending in some of these stunning results – Where do I sign up???

The most common cure however is the old CPAP machine. The CPAP is designed to continually blow air down your throat to ensure that your air passages aren’t blocked during sleep. I know, I know….SEXY!!!!

Here are what the doctors tell you it will look like before you purchase the machine –

 and here's a more realistic version....

I don't know about you but she looks completely nuts!!! And also a little scary...

Now who wouldn’t want to wake up next to this in the morning???  Nothing to see here folks...

Kiss me you fool!!!

Obviously my sex-life has quadrupled since bringing the CPAP in to the bedroom…AND I just love it when my friends want to try it on…

So look kids the long and the short of it is – Sleep Apnea for twenty-somethings = NOT COOL!!!

Until next time when I promise to make a positive contribution to the world. xxx